


The Frontier Minds

by booktick



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Hawkeye Pierce, Letters, M/M, Nostalgia, One-Sided Attraction, Period-Typical Homophobia, Plot? I hardly knew Ye, Post-Canon, Post-Series, Post-War, Reminiscing, Timeline What Timeline, or is it???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-20 09:25:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17619821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booktick/pseuds/booktick
Summary: On the occasion he received a letter from Hawkeye, he'd typically take the time, no matter how busy, to read it straight away.





	The Frontier Minds

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of this franchise.

* * *

On the occasion he received a letter from Hawkeye, he'd typically take the time, no matter how busy, to read it straight away. Some letters were better than others, some were short and sweet while others were long and crammed pack for pages and pages. Hawkeye Pierce followed him like his shadow, always right behind him, even when he couldn't see him.

And on _some_ occasions...on a _certain_ sort of letters...it took everything in Sidney not to read the letter right away. He would float in the guilt until it smothered him and he'd read. What sort of friend did that make him?

It wasn’t so much that he was afraid of what was in the letters, it was more of the fact he already knew what was in them to begin with. He’d receive a letter a month or so back, he’d write one in return and out of curiosity or some sense of obligation, he’d get the bright idea of asking about things probably weren’t any his business. Friends though, that was a tricky thing when they had been your patients. Sidney had always thought he kept himself on the line, hadn’t crossed on either side and yet…

There he’d be, slouched in some chair with a Hawkeye letter in his hands, still sealed and the name BJ showing through when he held it in a certain light. He liked the man, a good doctor and hell of a father from what he heard—husband too. He’d even written BJ on more than one occasion. BJ was a friend of his too.

But…it didn’t stop his cheeks from heating up, now did it? He’d feel a bit wounded, never too long, maybe even a little envy would soak through his palms. Didn’t feel right, being envious of someone like BJ Hunnicutt. The two, him and Hawkeye, had shared more than Sidney could have ever hoped to have or felt he deserved. At least he figured it, he wasn’t at the 4077th as much as BJ, wasn’t there for him when he needed him as much and…well, he wasn’t BJ. He was good ol’ Sidney Freedman, psychiatrist and invisible basketball champ.

Sidney rubbed his palms at his eyes, another Hawkeye letter still sealed in his lap. The sunlight that shined in through the curtains was low and setting, another afternoon that had come and gone. It was the only light in the room, the lamp untouched upon his desk and on the ceiling. He had been at work all day, busying his hands, avoiding the letter at all costs.

He had, in his last letter, asked Hawkeye if BJ had visited as of yet and he had never been so afraid of a reply in his life. It would have done Hawkeye well, plenty of good to have BJ there, and he knew it. They both knew it. If it made Hawkeye happy, feel better, why shouldn’t he be happy? He didn’t want to be that person who was hung up on a single person for the rest of his life but…Hawkeye was his friend. BJ was his friend.

And friends…friends are there for one another.

He kept his eyelids drooped, “Alright, Trooper, let’s see what you got for ol’ Sid today.” He picked the letter open, hooking his thumb in where the envelope didn’t seal all the way.

Sidney is always careful opening up Hawkeye’s letters, never wants to ruin them, tear them. He has a stack hidden somewhere in his chest under his bed. Hawkeye’s letters to him are precious, something to be treasured. He keeps most of them in there, tied together. He even had quite a few he’s never sent to Hawkeye, and probably never will if he were being honest. Those letters are far more dangerous than the rest, they were like a secret that was all his. And it was, if anyone that was unfamiliar with him, or felt threatened by his existence found them. It’d probably not end so well for him or anyone close to him, even Hawkeye. He never wanted Hawkeye’s name to be dragged through the mud just because of his own personal feelings towards the man.

He adjusted his shoulders, letting them roll as he slipped the letter out from the envelope. He cleared his throat before he held the letter up some, so the sunlight that remained outside could catch it. He could have turned on a lamp but he didn’t want to chance it. He had told everyone he’d be leaving for home already. They might get curious why Sidney Freedman was alone in the dark again. Not that it would be too odd for him, he supposed. He did prefer the dark ever since leaving Korea. But even then, he at least used the lamp on his desk. The sunlight from outside is enough for now. He’ll probably reread it when he gets to his room at home, after her kissed his son goodnight and the world had gone to bed.

“Hm.” He reached with one hand, a palm over his forehead and elbow on one of the chair’s arm-rests and began to read.

‘ _Dear Sid,’_

Off to a good start, Sidney thought to himself. It even had his lips tug upward and meet his eyes, forcing the wrinkles at the sides of his eyes to return with emphasis. It had been two words and Hawkeye already had his complete attention. He could never resist the charming boy from Crabapple Cove, all it took were two words and Sidney Freedman was in love all over again. He wondered if Hawkeye knew just had much beauty he really had in him—Sidney could just hear Hawkeye now ‘ _Of course, Sidney. I was voted Prince Charming in Crabapple’s Monthly.’_ And knowing Hawkeye, the guy probably was.

He tilted his head, “Already got me hooked, Hawkeye,” a murmur, “Reel me in with your metaphors, hm?”

‘ _It’s cold as hell here in Crabapple Cove. Snow as high as my knees and it doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. Dad’s had to wear three sets of socks just so it doesn’t soak on through and get him sick. He says I should ask BJ for some of his California heat. Maybe that's why Beej sticks to San Francisco?'_

And there was the first mention of Hunnicutt. He shook his head and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. It wasn’t anything too revealing about the pair, nor did it have too much depth to it. It was a passing comment and he was in the wrong for being any form of jealous here. If he couldn’t even read the man’s name, how was he ever gonna read any of the other letters that came through here from Hawkeye? He had to move forward and let things be as they were. He had no claim over Hawkeye Pierce. Hawkeye was as free as BJ was, as he was. One doesn’t choose who they love in this world, and Sidney knew that more than most people.

' _How are you though? In your last letter you failed to mention any details about your own weather delights or about work--which I can understand on the latter considering what you do for a living, Sidney, but at least give me some idea about how you are. I worry, y'know? You're my friend, same as Beej. I want the weekly gossip on you, Sid, no matter how plain or casual. Plan and casual is great. It's fantastic really. A lot like you.'_

“Oh, Hawk…” Sidney murmured to himself, his shoulders dropping when he exhaled the breath he had been holding.

Hawkeye could be so considerate in the very same letter he would go on about how his father had eaten a bad bowl of soup the other day. Either way, what a person Hawkeye Pierce was. It was really remarkable to Sidney, remembering how he had grown to know the man in their short time in Korea. Such a short amount of time yet he felt like Hawkeye would always be a part of his life. He’d never be able to shake him off. Not that he would want to do so at any point really. Hawkeye was…special to him.

' _I would write more but I can hear the teapot crying and Dad's coming down the stairs. I'm hoping the weather lightens up. Beej says I'll need to get on his shoulders so I don't get lost in all this snow. As you and I both know, I love something between my legs._

_Write back soon, alright? I'll call you myself if I have to._

_Always yours,_

_Hawkeye'_

Sidney can't help but let his thumb drag, his eyes doing the same, over the choice of goodbye. There's a leap in his throat and he finds his heart is there. He had to rub at his throat some so it would return to safety. He didn't forget how easily Hawkeye could do that to him. He had a habit of soft and careful when it came to his loved ones and his patients...and with Hawkeye...the line there wasn't always as black and white or as straight as he'd hope. Hawkeye was...

Well, sometimes things get a bit blurred with Hawkeye.

"Always yours, huh?" Sidney asked of no one in particular. 

And silence was his answer.


End file.
